BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
