Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He did a backflip because drugs
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