someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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