just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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