Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
