Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
