a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
