I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's shark week go big or go home
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
