I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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