I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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