There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
