im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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