I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
