The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is Oprah even human
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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