I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
