Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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