imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My vagina just clenched in fear
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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