Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
