why didn't you poke me back
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize