he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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