I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize