I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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