Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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