Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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