I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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