I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
