Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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