He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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