Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
