Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sorry my hands just texted you
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Someone came in the potted fern
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
