Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
