I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
