you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my sisters under your porch take her home
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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