shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize