so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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