I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
