Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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