I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
