no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
