Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
