btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize