what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
