Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
