So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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