You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
