Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize