I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
