I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
