I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I did not marry a roomba.
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