OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
