shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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