..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
