I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
