If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
