He uses pillows to masturbate.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
