Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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