i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
