I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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