I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
