Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
