somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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