i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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