i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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