Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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