i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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