why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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