I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
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