I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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