i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
