What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize