fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
