So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
